Dear Coworkers,

I have returned home from my European galavantings, much to the dismay of whichever one of you  has BEEN DRINKING MY VANILLA COFFEE CREAMER for three weeks now.  I’m sure you are disappointed to realize that a) I did, indeed, come back and b) that I did notice when a full size bottle of something became a completely empty bottle of something while I was on a completely different continent.

But I noticed.  And I’m a little pist.

Yeah, I know, I get touchy about my food.  But I don’t go dipping into your salad dressings in the work fridge.  Nor do I scope out your leftovers, or maybe whip up a samich with the fixings you have labeled with your own initials.  It’s just rude.

So next time, unless your initials are HD and you cannot cope in the mornings without bad work coffee tempered by the sweet nectar of the CoffeeMate gods, I suggest you keep your hands off.  Or else I will come up with something really awful to do to you.  And it will most likely involve coffee creamer, salad dressing, leftovers AND samiches.

You don’t even want to know.

Sincerely,

Your coworker who is jetlagged and now also caffeine deprived.

Thanks a bunch.