I’ve been sleeping unusually well for the past week. Usually I wake up at 3 a.m. on the dot, for no discernable reason, and prompty have strange hallucinations alone in my room. These often include scenarios in which I’m lying in bed, but in a classroom and trying valiantly to stay awake (because, you know, [...]
Entries Tagged as ‘Work’
July 31, 2008
Like the zoo, but beiger
Just announced over the corporate intercom:
“Sarah Smith, please go back to your cubicle. Sarah Smith, please go back to your cubicle.”
We know you want to escape Sarah, we all do, but remember – YOU ONLY GET TO COME OUT AT FEEDING TIME.
And at night, but sometimes not even then.
July 30, 2008
Moo.
I am 23. The coworker next in age to me is 33. The average age of the rest of my depart is approximately 47.
I’m starting to realize that, because I am so much younger than they are, my coworkers view with me with an interesting mixture of contempt, curiosity, vicarious longing, mockery, delight, envy and good [...]
July 16, 2008
I wish someone would send ME to a better place
If you wanted to live vicariously through me today (c’mon, I know you do!) then I have a hilariously sad and awkward story for you.
The Players:
Man Coworker – my unfortunate coworker who not only wears a terrible, completely non-matching ALL green outfit (twice now – twice!) but he’s also the one who stutters and repeats himself and [...]
July 16, 2008
Double check yourself before…well, you know what happens
If you are, generally speaking, quite a lovely person, there are still some things you cannot get away with. These things include, but are not limited to:
- Talking with your mouth full.
- Eating and talking in a large room full of people, or while on the phone.
- Chewing so loudly that I can HEAR you.
- [...]
July 14, 2008
A Poo-Related Monday Query
I know, I know. You don’t like to talk about poo. It makes you feel uncomfortable and squirmy inside (no disgusting free association intended here, but it might happen anyway) and a little bit hot in the face.
I used to be afraid to talk about poo, too. Until one rainy day, in the back of [...]
July 8, 2008
I’m wearing my excited pants right now – are you?
Exciting things are happening, Internet!
Exciting Thing #1: I am helping my lovely friend Allison with some wedding planning – her wedding is in three weeks (yes, we know, but fear not. Who’s not stressed? She’s not stressed! I’m a little stressed, but I’m not the bride, so that’s something we can deal with…I think…) and we [...]
June 16, 2008
If you drink all my creamer, you are not my mate
Dear Coworkers,
I have returned home from my European galavantings, much to the dismay of whichever one of you has BEEN DRINKING MY VANILLA COFFEE CREAMER for three weeks now. I’m sure you are disappointed to realize that a) I did, indeed, come back and b) that I did notice when a full size bottle of something [...]
April 14, 2008
Celebrity Amalgamation Fun, Vol. 1
Guy across the hall from me is:
Donald Trump in the dome piece, but the wave of office dude’s hair falls perpendicular to the Donald’s. Both are still completely ridiculous.
Ira Glass in the eyes. Well, he’s mostly Ira in the glasses. Large, black framed, much too large for his face. And so, might I mention, are [...]
April 3, 2008
Classic corporate moment of the day – HEY!
When the Vice President of the company charges through the office in a very busy and important manner, nostrils flaring and eyes ablaze, looking askance at people who are talking too loudly (IT’S UNPROFESSIONAL!) and then….
…his cell phone rings. Playing a happy, digital version of the classic ditty all young pianists aspire to learn, “The Entertainer!”
I [...]
